Do you have or know a teen that is struggling with confidence and self-certainty? This article is for you.
As part of my yearly check up, I went out of state to have some scans done. The nurse asked what I do and where I was from. I told her “I’m a musician from Rhode Island.” She proceeded to tell me about this big, fabulous music festival she and her husband go to every year in Rhode Island. A light came on in her eyes and she said “Oh, last year, there was this amazing singer, she had this beautiful yellow dress and these long beautiful legs. She was incredible…” I smiled to myself as I thought about that fabulous sunflower dress hanging in my closet.
As a teen I always dreamed about singing on stage for thousands of people, but that dreamed seemed so far away from my awkward, uncomfortable 15-year old life.
So how did I transform from unseen to young queen?
I gave up. Not on my dream. But on twisting myself into a knot to be what I thought the world told me to be. I gave up trying to be like everyone else. I gave up trying to impress others. Trying to be good at things that weren’t my thing. I accepted my nerdy obsession with music and guess what? Interestingly enough, being true to myself was the most impressive, captivating thing I could have done!
I embraced my beautiful. At the age of 15, big hips, thick thighs, and a booty was the furthest thing from the “standard” of beauty. I remember going through a phase where I would only wear long sleeves and long pants because I was so ashamed of my body. That still makes me sad. I began to look at myself in the mirror and instead of picking apart the things I didn’t like, I began to identify the things I did like. My eyes, my smile, my hair, my nose, and eventually my curves too! I also began to look at food as a way of loving my body, rather than a comfort to ease my pain. I began to consider what kinds of food and drink were nutritious and healthy as a form of love for my beautiful body.
I accepted mistakes as lessons. As a kid, I can remember my mother hiding my piano music because if I would make a mistake I had a tendency to throw my music ????. From a very young age I had a very hard time with making mistakes, and admitting I had made a mistake. As I learned more about life, I learned that our mistakes are what guide and shape us. And the more mistakes I made the more it meant that I was brave enough to try something new and uncertain. I realized more mistakes were also matched by more success. It meant I was trying. As I began to accept mistakes as lessons it made me stronger, braver, bolder and more willing to step out beyond what is known.
I focused on me. I stopped worrying about who was achieving what. Who was doing better than me. Who was successful faster than me. I found my lane and stuck to it. I found a way to be humbly and sincerely happy for others who achieved things I wanted to, and I understood the timing of the universe and God is perfect, and what’s meant for me will happen in the perfect timing for ME.
I stopped taking everything personally. Growing up as an overweight outcast with three ruthless brothers, everything that everyone did was an insult and a judgment. I began to accept that people’s response to you is entirely based on them. Where they are at, how they are feeling, what they are thinking about. I stopped being so concerned about “what did they mean by that?”, and “why did they said that?”, and just let reactions and responses to myself, my life, and my music be what they were. Was I happy with it, the music, my life decisions, etc.? If the answer was yes, then nothing else mattered much.
I became water. There are lots of ancient teachings that teach you to master your mind and your life by being like water. Gently flowing with life, gracefully going around rocks and boundaries that are in the way, letting things pass and settle. I noticed I was more confident, more still, more gentle and peaceful and self-certain when I learned to become like water.
Laying on the table that day hearing this woman innocently and unknowingly rave about my performance was what I like to call “a God wink.” A little message from the Creator that I was becoming who I had always been inside. That that shy, awkward, 15-year old self was always this beautiful butterfly in the yellow dress.
Alaura Lovelight is a vocal performance and confidence coach based out of New York City. She has performed for over 100,000 people nationwide and is the creator of Unseen to Young Queen, a teen girls transformation through music course. Sign up for her FREE webinar and to learn more about her teen girls course.
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