How do you get parents OUT of the lessons? I have just 2 out of 22 where the parents stay, but I would love for them to let their kids do this on their own. One little girl is an only child and very doted on, the other is a 5 year old boy whose mom comes with 2 younger siblings! I put out a few books or quiet toys but really I am done with this situation.
This is an interesting question. Honestly, I love it when parents attend lessons with their children. I have a few that sit in on every lesson, a few that sit in periodically, and the rest sit in rarely. When the parents do sit in, I typically try to interact with them during the lesson – perhaps point out something that their child is doing really well, or highlighting an area that we’re working on, etc. My philosophy is that the more involved and supportive the parents are, the better. In fact, for young beginning students who can’t yet read their own assignments, I require a parent to attend the lesson and take notes so that they can oversee the practice at home.
Now…all that said, if I was experiencing a situation where the child seemed to be less responsive or where the lesson time was unproductive due to distractions or a parent being in the room, I would probably approach it something like this: “After working with Sarah for 3 months, I’ve noticed that she seems to be more of an aural learner. Because of this, it’s distracting to have other people and noises in the room during her lesson time. I’m wondering if we could try just doing one-on-one lessons for a few weeks and evaluate to see how it impacts her progress.” Or even something like, “I’ve noticed that the students who come to lessons on their own seem to have an easier time focusing and opening up during the lesson time. Maybe we could try having you drop Logan off and come to lessons on his own for a few weeks…” Regardless of how it’s worded, it’s important to convey that you are trying to do what you feel will be best for the progress and education of their child. At the same time, you also want to let the parent know how much you appreciate their support and the investment they are making in their child. That’s invaluable!
Those are a few thoughts, but I’m sure some other teachers have good ideas for dealing with this type of a situation. Have you had difficulties with parents sitting in on lessons? How do you recommend handling it?
Remember, if you have a question you’d like to contribute to next week’s Monday Mailbag, leave it in the comments below or send me an e-mail sometime this week with Monday Mailbag in the subject line!
I sympathize with the reader who wrote this question. I have some parents who are great during lessons, but others who really make it difficult. They answer questions for their child. They discipline their child for minor things like not sitting up straight while I ask questions. They make their children nervous and sometimes angry. It’s very frustrating.
I have finally included a note in my policy that says parents are welcome any time, but they are to be observers only. If they have questions, they may ask me after the lesson, on a phone call, or in an email.
I hate that it turned into that, but it seems to have fixed the issue.
I think for a parent to have other siblings along at a lesson is rude and unfair to both their own child and the teacher. No matter how well-behaved they might be they will be a distraction to everyone. To that parent I would be saying “I’m sorry but I can no longer have your other children here at the lesson.” (which might hopefully mean that parent doesn’t attend anymore!) Glad it’s not me who has to say it, though. Another approach is to point out to these that most of your students come alone – some parents imagine that all parents attend lessons. Personally I don’t like parents at lessons because I don’t act quite like myself with an audience! As I teach mostly in a school in school hours it is not an issue for me at present, but it has been in the past.
I personally love having parents sit in during lesson time. With the experience I have had, it is helpful for the parent to know exactly what I am asking his child to practice and work on during the week. This has been expecially helpful for younger children who may not remember all of their assignments or practice tips on their own. Having a parent sit in to observe exactly what is happening during lesson time has been very beneficial for me and the student.
Are you worried about offending the parents? You need to get over that — not that you will say just whatever is in your mind, but that you have the courage to say what must be said for the sake of the student… and for you.
Some parents are great, and I love having them there, because they stay out of the way, but are very supportive. Some parents are terribly intrusive, and those ones I just flat out tell, “I would prefer to have you leave ________ at the lesson by herself.” Don’t worry — they will assume you have the child’s best interests in mind.
But 2 younger siblings under the age of 5 is really not doable — perhaps that mother could go shopping, to the park, or to the library with the younger kids while you give the 5-year-old a lesson.
Then a separate issue, really: even after years of teaching, I feel uncomfortable with SOME parents, as if I’m being weighed in the balance and found wanting. This has to do with their personalities, and almost never with their true intentions! This situation calls upon me to really focus (good practice for a performing musician, anyway), to IGNORE the parent’s presence, and to S-T-R-E-T-C-H myself. Which isn’t bad…
Dana
Most of the time, I love having parents in the lesson, and I require it when the student is a first-grader. But, I ask them to sit on the couch and observe, like a fly on the wall. (I use those very words.) When I need them to know something, I turn and address them, but mostly, I just work with the child as though they aren’t there. I’ve only once had a parent who just couldn’t sit on the couch a few feet away but who hovered and prompted the child constantly. I did ask her not to continue coming to the lesson. I agree with Fiona that it is just disrespectful to both you and the student to allow 2 young children to be present and disruptive during the lesson. In that case, I would think the parent should be worried about offending you, not the other way around.